Dis/Honesty
106th Edition
Happy Spiritual… Saturday?!
I thought I would try a weekend edition this week, just to change things up a bit… Maybe you’ll wait til Monday to read it, maybe you’ll see it today, either way, this one is a bit juicier than usual.
In the Background
In the previous edition I mentioned how I had been away in the bush for the week prior. It was an epic week, apart from the mosquitoes. However, there were a couple seemingly trivial events in the lead up that were slightly unsettling, which escalated while I was away to some full blown issues and I have been pondering on the take aways since my return.
The details of the happenings are not important to the reader, suffice it to say that there were some last minute miscommunications regarding friends watching my son for a day, as my lady had to work and I couldn’t take him camping with me for the week whereas I would normally be his primary caretaker.
What is important is the subject of the happenings, which was background chat, or talking behind one’s back.
In short, I was misled to believe that somebody’s acknowledgement of a yes to an offer, when they had decided to withdraw themselves from the agreement without notifying me directly. This got my brain percolating on the principle of communication in today’s world.
While we are presented with the “epidemic of misinformation and disinformation” hugely impacting our world (and hopefully the reader is aware that these terms are manufactured by governing bodies to claim more control over populations) these terms are simply fear based descriptions of proclaimed differences in opinions to an overwhelmingly established narrative that wishes not to be challenged for fear of the illumination of cracks in the soundness of its logic.
What I mean by that, is there are people who are lying in plain sight by bending words to fit their preferred vision of reality and throwing others under the bus in broad daylight. More on this later…
While this is normal now, there is a long standing history in culture of talking behind one’s back, seeking collusion and subversion of trust or leadership in small acts.
What I experienced was one of these acts of back talking, and it threw me a bit, as the perpetrator was someone who had always been so lovely to my family in front of our faces.
Under the Bus
Before proceeding, I find it relevant to share how I am in no way a perfect man, human, being, and that I have been guilty of dishonesty in my time in this body. I was a sneaky teenager, and I learned how to get away with things, like many of us did, word things in ways that shared smidgens of truth, but mostly not… Almost as if I was on the road to a career in politics! As my life has progressed, I have more and more come to appreciate just how sacred the truth in our words is, and I aim to uphold a solid sense of honesty, integrity and truth in my word and actions.
On top of this, I realised in the past few years how much of my life was driven by desire to be accepted which showed up as saying “yes” to nearly every opportunity, even ones where I knew I couldn’t make it happen. I can feel the sense in my body of knowing I should say no, but my mind and mouth conspiring against me and shouting an emphatic YES! to whatever offer has been pitched, so long as it will keep me in high regard with the other party… It’s quite silly & it’s a lie.
As I have chosen to be honourable in my words and deeds, I suppose I have just assumed that those around me would follow suit. Perhaps blindly, as the past 4 years of human history has seen an exponential exposure of just how engrained with lying our culture, governing bodies, celebrates, role models and the like are.
Everyone lies, and it has become culturally the norm to just accept the lies and go with the flow, often “for the greater good.” So it shouldn’t surprise me that someone who I have trusted would lie to me, then to other close friends on a topic that might seem trivial, but which affects many aspects of life.
As previously mentioned, the words and events are not needed here, just the context and the overarching principle, hence some qualities of vagueness.
Short summary goes like this: Someone agreed to do something - in writing - weeks before the date intended, on the proviso that another party could fulfil a small task amidst the day - also agreed to in writing. Two days before the favour at hand, I received word that the small task was no longer going to be fulfilled, but I heard it through second hand source, not the one who had agreed to it.
Naturally, my attention was piqued, as this put me in a bit of a predicament, not terrible, but needing to manage something I felt was already sorted. And yet, the real interest was in why the primary source didn’t relay this information to me. What followed was a back and forth between alternating parties, with multiple instances of throwing the other under the bus as being at fault for why this trivial event was not going to go forward, lots of stress coming from some party from fear of losing income/ employment/ and genuine concern from me that all parties involved were of sound mind.
I chose to reach out to the primary party of agreement with an open, loving heart in hopes that I had misred the situation, and was given an alibi, an excuse and a reaffirmation of why they had to lie to to their employee about certain matters, with their assertion that this was the reason they could no longer honour the agreement.
Naturally, I felt for them, and I offered my understanding and well wishes, as health was involved, but I knew too well that when people are cornered, they often use health/ family/ world events as excuses to interject between them and the truth over fear of conflict.
Coming Home
When I returned home, I came to a list of events that had transpired - I had been pretty much offline in the bush.
Lies has escalated, work contracts had been terminated, and relationships had been torn apart. What a way to land home! I felt I should sit with my thoughts for awhile and then go straight to the source of the issue.
In a carefully crafted message (they wouldn’t answer my calls) I outlined my position, what I had been told and asked for clarity from them. More lies were returned. I can verify this, as I had receipts, I had the truth - for once, on record!
I felt sad for them, on many levels. Sad that they felt the need to act in this way, sad that they had just ruined 3 great relationships and sad that for years I had been treated with such face value kindness and accomodation only to end the chapter with deceit.
Take Away
I thought for a week about writing this, settling on the matter of why.
Why I felt to proceed is to share that we don’t have to be dishonest. I am sincere in the observation that most of the world is built upon lies now, our day to day, work life, history, news… Nothing is untouchable.
In a world riddled with lies, I encourage each of us to be stands for honesty, integrity. I have referenced several times the simple and profound book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and if you haven’t read it - it takes 2 hours - I’ll share the simple first agreement: Be impeccable with your word.
Our words create worlds, our word is our bond. If we lose this connection to truth and honesty, we lose the very essence of humanity.
Honesty requests that we be our authentic selves, not the ones who everyone will like, but us. Be yourself, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.
And so it is, with love.
PS: Friday March 15th I will be cohosting my last event in Sydney as we take a journey northward… I’ll debrief more next week, but details can be found HERE.
Dis/Honesty